How to Support

Not only does cancer affect the person diagnosed, it affects their loved ones. Being the fiance and caregiver to Nick, I know this first hand. Though the focus is mainly, and should be on the person diagnosed, the one who supports them is forgotten at times. Or, people don't know how do show that supporter that they are not alone. So we came up with...

How to support the supporter of a cancer patient

1. Don't just ask about their spouse/family member. Ask how they are doing. They are putting all their energy into taking care of someone who could be loosing the battle with cancer. They mat feel like the world doesn't care. So give them that much needed support.
2. Don't be surprised if they go on a rant, or tell you to f*** off. These people are all sorts of exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, all of it. They are putting their time and energy (even money) into helping someone they love and have it in the back of their mind they may loose them. So cut them some slack and let them be pissed off. They have every right to be. And if they tell you to f*** off, chances are you said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or you've been a selfish d*** and they had enough. Take it as a sign you need to re-evaluate yourself.
3. Take them out. There is a strong possibility they have become major anti social people. I know I have. That's because their world is now hospitals, appointments, bills, and their loved one. They are not only the supporter, but possibly the only source of income. So they are working double time, and tending to their loved one. As far as they are concerned, the world can rot. So show them you care by taking them out to the mall, a movie, or even lunch. If their loved one is having an off day and isn't feeling well, go to their place and spend the day with them. That way they know you care and you are viewed as awesome.
4. If they suddenly can't go out, don't be a b****. I have canceled/declined many outings with friends because of my duty to Nick. Sometimes they threw such fits that it made me rethink our friendship. Supporters are under enough stress and social situations may be scary to them. Especially meeting new people who don't know their situation. If they do agree to go out, make sure its with people they know. Keep it mild unless they lead the charge into something more wild. If they are comfortable meeting new people then do it. But if they have to cancel, or just don't feel comfortable going out, be a good friend and be understanding and not make them feel bad for canceling. Remember, their world has been altered NOT yours.
5. Want to win Saint points? Volunteer to keep an eye on their loved one for a few hours so they can have some time for themselves. So much of their energy and focus is on their loved one that they forget to care for themselves. So give them a day where they can go shopping, a movie, or even have a spa day. Being that friend who takes their time to help another shows your character as well as how much you care.